We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
