Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
