So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is Oprah even human
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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