How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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