apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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