She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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