Who wears a wallet chain?!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
