He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
