drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
