omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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