I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
