kristin has been a bad kristin
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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