Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
