So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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