she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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