Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
