STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
