I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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