How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
