I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
