i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
