i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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