If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
