yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
