The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
