there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
