She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
