my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
