Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So squirting runs in the family.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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