i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
