the new term for farting is butt boxing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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