He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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