Sry I called you an 8
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
