I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
