I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
