Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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