I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
