I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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