I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
