We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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