Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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