I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
