The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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