Swine flu. Run for my life!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
