i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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