my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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