Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Damn victory sex feels great
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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