Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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