THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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