I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
