i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
