saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
